"I could not stay with a man who commanded on Amazon": when ecology interferes in the couple

To hear them, the presidential candidates are all ecological.Not a large distribution brand that does not yet have its organic range.Large groups take care of their green image.Ecology is everywhere.Including, more surprisingly, at the heart of couples."Since the Chernobyl cloud, the environmental question has become a global question, very" macro ", but at the same time, it remains a very intimate question because it touches everyday, in our way of living in relation to nature, to theanimals.In short, in the deep sense of life ”, analyzes Marie Donzel, consultant in social innovation at Alterno.

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Motivate each other

At the start of her relationship, recalls Vanessa, a 43 -year -old Rouen, she had big doubts."I didn't think I could stay with a man who commanded on Amazon.This came into conflict with my deep convictions, ”she explains, both for the working conditions of the employees and for the carbon footprint or the dehumanized company model associated with it.Over time, however, he ends up aligning himself with his positions."No doubt to keep me, at least at first!", She jokes.But today, the companion is running on electric bike, has stopped online purchases ... and has made a cross on spreads composed of palm oil, cause of deforestation.

Hélène, thirties, lived in the Paris suburbs until the first confinement of March 2020, whom she decided to pass with her lover.Together, they gradually decide to accelerate their departure from Île-de-France, and settle in Nantes.In this ecolocompatible land, the couple quickly sets up a series of daily measures, such as shopping in bulk, moving by bike or making their own cosmetics.And they go frankly!Main involvement for them: “All our purchases are now thought out.The computer and tablets are purchased reconditioned, our clothes are second-hand, or I sew them myself.This year, I even made a cardboard Christmas tree, says Hélène.Our idea is not to go to the simplest, but to look for alternatives.For example, we are not against being delivered from time to time, but we do it with a cooperative of bicycle deliverers who have chosen their method of remuneration, and not with Uber Eats.»»

Hélène believes that having been in a relationship has energized her ecological transition."I'm not sure that I would have developed so much so quickly without my boyfriend.We discuss it a lot. Tout cela m’apporte, parce que je partage ces changements avec lui»», analyse-t-elle.Vanessa confirms. «À deux, il y a une dynamique, on se soutient, mais on se déculpabilise aussi»», reconnaît-elle.Because although she makes heavy concessions of energy and time to green her pendulum trips to Paris, sometimes she also cracks for a compulsive purchase.For her, the real problem is rather on the side of the children of her companion."I may explain to her daughter why buy a phone case at 5 euros on Amazon does not make sense, she does not care.»His son does not understand the choice of an electric bike.

Find a consensus

Because unsurprisingly, the ecological transition within unions - which sometimes take the form of blended families - can generate tensions."First of all, the couple is a relationship.Ecology can be a source of conflict among others, analyzes Marie Donzel.What I recommend is to talk more about distribution and do together.Cooking together is not the same as preparing the menus for the whole family.It also works to wash the car, sort your waste and buy in bulk »».Martin* and Stéphanie, Parisian quarantine in full ecological transition, do not share the same vision of the holidays.Their secret is to discuss until finding a consensus. «Je ne suis pas prête à me dire que je ne prendrai plus que trois fois l’avion dans ma vie, ça me rend triste»», reconnaît Stéphanie. Alors, ils sont tombés d’accord : «Dès qu’on peut faire autrement, on le fait et, puisque ce sont les décollages et atterrissages qui sont les moments les plus polluants, on ne va jamais opter pour un week-end en Europe, mais pour un long et beau voyage, et très rarement»», explique Martin.

Assign tasks

These efforts are laudable, but there is a backhand with the medal.The mental charge of women, once again at the heart of the couple who green.Sociologists Michèle Lalanne and Nathalie Lapeyre have shown that the use of washable strata - very time -consuming - was based on women. «La révolution de l’écologie n’est pas la révolution de l’égalité»», résume Marie Donzel.Domestic ecology is even more the affair of women than men in the idea of an extension of the dynamics of the current couple, still crossed by an unequal distribution of domestic tasks (70 % of these tasks are carried out by women).Hélène recognizes this: as her spouse's schedules are not compatible with the opening of stores, she is the one who does the shopping. «Acheter du bio, du vrac, trier ses déchets, remplacer les mousseurs de robinet revient à un travail invisibilisé qui prend pourtant du temps, de l’énergie et de l’argent aux femmes»», poursuit la consultante.

Anne-Sophie Pasquet, naturopath, sees him with her clients. Elles sont de plus en plus nombreuses à vouloir manger moins de viande, un choix pas toujours simple en famille : «Entre les conjoints qui ont peur d’avoir faim et les doubles menus à cuisiner»», la naturopathe donne quelques conseils pour remplacer les recettes habituelles avec de la simili-viande, et ainsi satisfaire tout le monde.Stéphanie, an active mother of three children, agreed to eat less meat at the request of her spouse - who has become a vegetarian for an ecological concern -, but it is she who imagines the menus ... Lucid, the organic chain of the fork, which85 % of its customers are customers, carried out a study.The results are significant: 71 % of customers believe that ecological commitments are shared in the couple. Mais dans la réalité, il existe «une vraie différence de perception et d’engagement réel : les femmes sont systématiquement à l’initiative des changements d’habitudes au sein du foyer»», révèle l’étude.

«Si l’on se place dans une perspective historique, ce qui a libéré du temps aux femmes, ce sont les appareils électroménagers ! Malheureusement, ils sont générateurs de pollution, donc ce sont aujourd’hui des choix “questionnables”»», renchérit Magali Trelohan, enseignante-chercheure en marketing social.Thus, "reduce your waste with washable layers, less use household appliances or no longer buy prepared dishes, it takes time to women. Mais on peut aussi s’engager autrement, par le biais d’une association, par exemple, en valorisant dans la sphère publique les compétences acquises dans la sphère domestique»», glisse la chercheuse.

Domestic ecology also contributes to strengthening financial inequalities: "Women have money of flows they spend in consumable, while men have capitalization money. Le choix du bio pèse donc plutôt sur le porte-monnaie des femmes»», souligne Marie Donzel.Certain decisions remain the prerogative of men, by cultural construction, such as the choice of a hybrid car or the decision to change the heating.This is the case in the couple of Stéphanie and Martin.After having peeled the GIEC reports showing that the biggest emissions in France came from heating, travel and food, it was he who proposed to opt for renewable energy and biogas.

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A Women's Affair

But that domestic ecology is partially genuine does not surprise Magali Trelohan: "It's quite logical.By their education received, women are more concerned with others, nature, the environment.»Besides, eco -feminism, which says that environmental destruction and oppressions suffered by women are based on the same system, returns in force in the public debate. «Ce mouvement, basé sur l’idée de partage, de justice et d’équité, ne fonctionne que si les structures patriarcales tombent»», estime la philosophe Jeanne Burgart Goutal, auteure d’Être écoféministe (Éditions L’échappée).But beware, as early as 1975, the American ecofeminist Rosemary Radford RUTHER warned against the risk that women be locked up in the role of saving the planets responsible for repairing planetary chaos after taking care of that of the house.An even topical warning: ecological commitment - including in the couple - should always combine with the social emancipation of women.

*The first name has been changed.

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